Have you ever offered someone a Personal Slight?
Of course you have. Everybody has; some given deliberately and others delivered as a matter of unthinking everyday behavior. They are often the foundation of artful manipulation.
Dictionary definition of a SLIGHT: an insult caused by a failure to show someone proper respect or courtesy.
This is one of the ways we Assert ourselves/establish Control. And we do it for any number of reasons.
Slights are offered to:
Reinforce our Social (or Business) Position
Make Ourselves more Important
Diminish Others (thus, raise ourselves up)
Make a Point
Control People/Situations
And, so on.
None of these are really commendable reasons and all point toward fundamental personal flaws. And, as is often said, all bad behavior is based in insecurity.
So, what then is considered a Slight? How do you recognize one? If you’re a recipient, you’ll know. It’s much like our innate awareness of when we’re being hunted.
Slights can be subtle or overwhelming. Everyday examples include:
Avoidance Body Language (negative reaction)
Somebody turns away, avoids or shows someone their back
Physical Reaction (positive reaction)
Body or verbal language of shock or offense
Put-downs
Perhaps sneering disdain directed toward individual(s)
Dismissal
Ignoring someone to answer a phone, or abruptly putting someone on-hold w/o explanation
Silent Treatment
A commanding unwillingness to even communicate
Aloofness
Behaving in an implied superior fashion
Payback
The return offering from a perceived slight
And, many more
The problem with these behaviors is they are often systemic; driven into people via culture, family and life. They establish and ultimately define our personas. Inevitably, many of these actions are learned in formative years.
Ironically, as we perceive and value ourselves to be more important or powerful we often appear to grow our arsenal of such weapons. And here continues the sad reality…
The more tenuous our actual Personal Power versus that we desire, the worse behavior often becomes.
Much the same verbal and physical demonstrations can be easily observed in nature. Study any troop of chimpanzees and you’ll quickly be convinced.
Our behaviors and interactions with others (human, animal and even inanimate objects) reflect our incessant need to secure our identities and self-worth.
So again, let me ask. Do YOU deliver Personal Slights in the workplace or elsewhere? Do you proffer them intentionally or inadvertently?
If you behave in this manner any recipient will react. It may be in the immediate manner you desire; perhaps you get what you want? But often slights build resentment and lead to long-term relationship damage.
An inappropriate action directed to someone who values themselves more highly (perhaps, inevitably) than you perceive, will backfire. It’s seldom forgotten and forgiven. Often it will be counted and accumulated. This may be a sad reflection of human nature, but it’s commonly true.
Now imagine you’re inherently prone to regular, inadvertent slights. Then better watch out who you offend.
And similarly, ruling loved ones, children and even family pets with the proverbial rod-of-iron fueled by subtle slights may seem low risk to satisfy your personal convenience, but often such behavior can ultimately have long-term negative consequences.
In many ways slights are like unwanted guests. They have a nasty habit of revisiting us unexpectedly in the future.
So, it’s wise to look very closely at the signals you’re sending and the actions you take. Whether you’re at work or home, acting deliberately or unwittingly, any Action will cause a Reaction. Better to ensure it’s one you’d prefer.
Ian R. Mackintosh is the author of Empower Your Inner Manager Twitter @ianrmackintosh
