I was sitting at the dinner table during a recent event listening to people’s tales of their lives, relationships and work-related activities. It was a full-spectrum gathering.

When later reflecting on this occasion and myriad other recent and past daily interactions I again became starkly aware just how self-flattering individuals can be and what delusional façades most people will present.

In fact, I believe most folks are frighteningly self-delusional when reporting insights to their lives.

This is not surprising, as in practice, self-confidence is closely linked to self-deception, self-delusion and success.

Indeed, to quote…

“…, people in positions of great authority are, and perhaps must be, capable of enormously high levels of self-delusion.” (Health-care Hypocrites, Paul Campos, 3/22/10).

And, the Definition : Self-Delusion (Noun)…

The act or state of deceiving or deluding oneself.

The common scientific belief today is that most people lie to themselves; this done to aid them in considering themselves above average and to help them justify even their unjustifiable actions.

Relatedly and ironically, I suspect many of us attempting to present a truly realistic, unbiased opinion have, at one time or another been criticized as being negative or pessimistic. It appears a more rose-colored account of events is usually better appreciated, too; upon reflection, a very troubling reality.

Oddly, it seems that self-delusion is necessary. One writer (Fine) even mentions that a group of individuals truly capable of seeing reality as it is are the clinically depressed.

So, it appears most of us actually need to delude ourselves to make life bearable. This is a disturbing dynamic and a frightening insight to our suppressed, internal views.

People typically resent being referred to as delusional. It is normally perceived as a human flaw.

Yet, given the apparent role of self-delusion in stabilizing our psyche, perhaps it should be considered an asset?

It is true that great shows of bloated self-importance can be ugly to hear, but they are also just a sad measure of, and insight to, an individual’s insecurities.

In any event, the next time you catch yourself or others making enhanced or exaggerated claims, empathize a little. Sometimes it can be wiser to understand and accept the underlying challenge and then just move on.

Unfortunately, on some occasions it is appropriate or even essential to set the record straight with deluded individuals. This is often better done privately, but perhaps sometimes damaging falsehoods must be challenged immediately and publicly. In either situation, be as discreet and sensitive as circumstance warrants.

The stark daily realities we all face can often prove extremely harsh unless portrayed through a biased, tinted lens. So, if such assertions truly do no harm at the time, let the self-deluded enjoy their peace of mind behind that colored glass. Gracefully allow people their space to feel important or avoid their unnecessary embarrassment.

Have you noticed the self-delusion of others? Perhaps you recently caught yourself making exaggerated claims? Take a look behind those stories. It’s amazing the sensitivities and insecurities that come to light.

Above all, don’t fear those delusions. They’re often what’s keeping us grounded and balanced.

Every day we rise, step into the day and interact with others. The people we meet can be colleagues, clients, friends, family or casual acquaintances.

And, our dealings with others are profoundly influenced by their (and our own) intricate personalities and foibles. So, in this regard, which human characteristics might give us cause for concern?

Well, I believe most people to be generally insecure. In fact, I have found that many are very insecure.

Is there really great significance to these observations? Does this significantly affect our interactions with others? Might Insecurity profoundly influence the outcome for many of our dealings?

I believe the answer to all these questions is a resounding yes.

So, it is important we can recognize Insecurity in all its forms.

Indeed our ability to spot this human characteristic empowers us in dealing with others. We are better able to adjust and manage the situations we encounter.

To better understand the nature of Insecurity, consider the following (not prioritized) collection of insights:

Secure Human is an oxymoron.

Humans are petty, frightened, Insecure Creatures.

People are amalgams of insecurities invisible to the Self without Introspection.

All Bad Behavior is based in Insecurity.

Were it not for Insecurity we could not justify our Bad Behavior.

Others would feel less Inferior were we not Insecure.

Self-Importance grows with Insecurity.

Real Self-Confidence is inversely proportional to Insecurity.

Watching someone Control their Insecurities is like watching a balloon squeeze.

Insecurity inflates the Self.

The Showcasing of Accomplishments increases with Insecurity.

Acceptability declines as Insecurity grows.

Boastful Humility is symptomatic of Insecurity.

The need to Control Others grows with Insecurity.

Insecurity drives Importance to Diminish others.

These pointers better help us identify when insecurity is in-play.

Our first step should be to recognize our own insecurities. It’s not easy to do, but the more self-aware we become the more readily we recognize tell-tale behaviors in others.

Ever consider where such issues are already affecting your relationships and dealings? Further, where might they be affected in the future?

I recommend you take a close look at potentially problematic situations and even those that might already seem fixed or established. The better your ability to identify what factors are in-play and then make appropriate adjustments, the more success you’ll achieve in your business and private lives.

Enjoy the investigation. It’s amazing what you’ll uncover.

Brevity in communications has become both an Asset and Liability.

Over the last decade we have accelerated our embrace of tech-driven means to speed and multiply our information access and personal interactions.

Texts, Tweets and many more vehicles service these needs, but at what price? The fewer words or characters employed in a communication, the greater are risks to clarity and precision.

Often vagueness truly is better than invisibility. Many times awareness is more important than ignorance. But frequently, there is real liability in lack of clarity or obscure intent.

“Get out, now. There’s fire,” is not the same as, “I see smoke. Anyone called 911?”

As a young graduate I recall being roasted by a Senior Engineer for imprecisely describing a technical hitch. My vagueness showed inexperience, lacked thought and useful recommendations. I recognized the problem and upgraded my commentaries, thenceforth. Truly this was a life-lesson.

Clear communications are normally essential, be they in personal, business, subjective or factual situations. Clarifying exact meanings later is all-too-often a part of consequential damage control.

“I thought you meant…,” or, “what did you mean by…,” are phrases regularly seen when things have already gone awry.

Realistically, can everyone always make sufficient time to optimize what they say or write? Probably not, but when items are Serious, Urgent and/or Important we should always take more care.

Highlighting a problem poorly or making inherently misleading comments can carry a heavy price. Perhaps simple qualifiers (“I think that…,” “I believe this…,” etc.) could often be used to offset many liabilities. Certainly this would mitigate a pet peeve of mine exhibited frequently by professionals who freely proffer statements, yet avoid offering the clarification of whether their points are opinion or fact.

I regularly see people write and/or say things that highlight their insensitivity to the importance of words and how they are used. The simplest statement can be massively changed by:

Word Selection

Different words can carry vastly different meanings and cultural implications: “torrential rain” is not the same as “steady rain.”

Word Ordering

Switch the words and change the meaning: “Will I,” is radically different from,” I will.”

What’s important might change dramatically in the same message: “I must go now,” differs significantly from, “I MUST go now.”

Communication Vehicle

Written Texts, Tweets, emails, letters, books etc. all constrain the author to communicate quite differently. Often adjustments are made to mitigate the liabilities (LOL ).

Intriguingly, the voice (eyes and body, too) offers almost infinite intonation and cultural opportunities. Thus the power of F-2-F discourse is obvious.

Imagery

The pictures we both convey or provide usually carry great weight.

And, more…

Culturally, it seems to me that we now more necessarily accept communication errors and often willingly sacrifice quality for quantity. In many cases this is a great trade-off, particularly where some insight is markedly better than ignorance. This approach feeds our inquisitiveness and piques our awareness. It also recognizes and accommodates our inherent physical separation from others.

However, when things really matter it’s generally better to momentarily reflect on WHAT you say, WHEN you say it and HOW. After all, if we get it wrong it often returns to haunt us.

How well are you succeeding with your own communications? Do you ever trip yourself up? Do your people cause you heartburn with some of their messaging? It’s probably time to reflect upon both your and others’ communication behaviors.