Ever walk into an important meeting and just know right away you’re out-of-sync with your counterpart?

Immediately sensing you’re not aligned with the person opposite you is a daunting proposition. You need to make inroads and you must make the best of the situation. So, how to proceed?

The problems can stem from anywhere. You’re dressed business formal, he/she’s ultra-casual, there’s a major age gap, business styles are worlds apart, you’re punctual and he/she is, well, late and the list goes on.

If this meeting matters to you and your role’s more subordinate, you’ll be scrambling to repair these first impressions, from the get-go. Quite likely, you’re working against the odds, but somehow you still must find a way to get the best outcome possible.

Let’s face it, if you’re selling something (yourself, product, ideas, etc.) it’s critical you establish rapport. Being in-sync is crucial. And unfortunately, such real alignment has many facets and associated liabilities.

So, before you attend a F2F on an issue that really matters to you, recognize it’s not just about looking and being your best. Yes, you do need to present your best side, but it must be aligned and synchronized to the needs of the other party.

Again, before you meet you should have researched the style of the person and company with whom you’ll meet. Most of the gaffs above should be proactively avoided. But, do it honestly. Keep faith with who you are as a professional and a person.

If you’re a little more formal and it’s an ultra-casual environment, dress down a little. You may not need to pull out the flip-flops; most solid professionals should recognize and value the diversity of others. Always be on-time, but unemotionally except the flexibility in schedules and informality in meetings that your counterpart may exhibit. Such behavior may not reflect their professional regard.

Once you’re settled for discussion, you should consider this tip for quickly building rapport. You need to get on the same page as your counterpart: Mirroring is a great way to succeed.

Mirroring  is about reflecting the movements and body position of the person with whom you need to develop empathy. This is not about copying to the point of detectable mimicry (and risk of insult); it’s about making the person comfortable and creating synergy and rapport.

When people assume similar body positions, their feelings and emotions tend to align and be similar. If someone positions one way, do the same. Nod to show your attention to their words and do so in their rhythm; convey appropriate facial expressions. Allow them their speaking opportunities and respectfully insert your own words and comments.

The adoption of like body positions, facial nuances and hand gestures is powerful. So copy and be bold.

I have personally used this technique and have often heard it reported as being successfully employed by others. Certainly, why would ultimately flattering, across-the-board, empathetic behavior be anything but attractive to the recipient?

The only warning is to pursue your actions with a sincere desire for alignment and rapport. Practice beforehand. It works really well for most every 1-on-1 situation. Again, just avoid anything that could be taken as, or indeed is insincere mimicry. And, if ever you feel you’re overdoing things, simply back off.

When you get the opportunity to observe friends or colleagues  known for their ability to relate strongly to others and create a great first impression, look at what they do. You’ll find it very closely resembles the descriptions above.

I’ve personally found this approach to work well and it’s helped me get many relationships off on the right foot. Sometimes it’s shocking just how much mirroring is necessary, acceptable and helpful to align with my counterpart in a meeting. This speaks to how much effort is really needed to build rapport and become a (supposed) natural, in doing so.

Rapport and Empathy is about the other person. Demonstrate this and you’re half way (or more) home in making your case and establishing a position.

I should also mention: Yup, of course this works for social and dating settings, too.

How well do you relate to others? Often seem to get off on the wrong foot at those critical meetings? Think you should just do better in general?

If so, take a look at the simple practices outlined above. Maybe you’re next important F2F meeting can be better prepared to secure that outcome you desire!